Stabbed
by harrys-sad-fish
Summary: In a duel to the death, only one can live... unless they're already dead.
1. The Epic Battle

STABBED 2  
  
Alucard stabbed Soma thusly.  
"Why, Alucard, why? Did I mock your lack of tan or feminine face? No," he lamented. "I never did."  
Soma died from his wounds.  
Alucard shuffled his feet. Then he ate some pudding.  
Soma stabbed Alucard in the kidney. He's a durable guy.  
Alucard died from heat exhaustion.  
Soma tripped over a melon of the finest quality.  
He died from depression. Mina cried.  
"The waterfall can be passed by rushing at it with a large body," Alucard crypticed. He's a vampire.  
Mina stood dumbfounded.  
Alucard stabbed Soma. He's a durable guy.  
Soma's ghost tripped over Mina's intelligence. He died from food poisoning.  
Alucard forgot to breathe.  
Mina bitched. 


	2. The Battle Continues!

Soma stabbed Dracula.  
"My kidney... no wait, you're not real."  
Soma died from reality.  
Alucard stabbed Dracula.  
They shared a fish.  
Alucard died from the common cold. He's a vampire.  
Dracula laughed. He's a durable guy.  
Mina rubbed Dracula's stomach.  
Dracula died from a gust of wind.  
Mina complained about the cold.  
Alucard stabbed Soma.  
Soma bitched.


	3. Blood Ties

STABBED 3: Blood Tides

Alucard stabbed Mina thusly.

"Oops," he said.

Alucard stabbed Soma correctly.

"How can you do such a thing after all our hours searching for random fruits?" Soma asked.  "The pudding, Alucard, the pudding…"

Soma died from dehydration.

"…And the melons," Soma added.  He's a durable guy.

Alucard died from the color yellow.

Soma likes the color purple, so he's alive again.  You know, because it's the complement.  Of yellow and stuff.

Mina started getting headaches.

Alucard tripped over a meal ticket.  He's a vampire.

Dracula left this story in a puff of smoke.

Soma tried to run but could only walk.

The Black Panther soul laughed and pointed its finger.

Soma died from shin splints.

Alucard walked out of a random room that he shouldn't have been able to get to.

Mina lost control of her body and started shaking uncontrollably.  She reported this information calmly.

Alucard fed Soma's ghost a banana.

"Damn you, Ritcher!  You owe Alucard my ten bucks!" Soma coughed pointlessly.

"Some enemies can move faster than you can see," Alucard crypticeded…ed.

Soma died from an anvil.

Mina bitched.

Graham had nothing to do with it.


	4. Symphony of the Harmony of Sorrow

STABBED 4

-Symphony of the Harmony of Sorrow-

Alucard stabbed Soma thusly.

"Actually," Soma interjected, "you only got my coat".

"Sorry," Alucard apologized.

Alucard stabbed Soma as hard and repeatedly as he could.

"There we go," Soma winced.  "No, wait…"

Soma died from manners.

Mina walked three steps.

Dracula threw his glass to the ground and disappeared from the story as a bat.

Soma stood with his coat blowing in the wind.  He's a durable guy.  It's a durable coat.

Alucard tried to yo-yo while wearing gloves.  He failed.

Mina's kimono attacked Alucard.

Alucard died from silk poisoning.

Soma ate a persimmon.

"Persimmon- a bitter fruit", Alucard crypticed.  He's a vampire.

Mina forgot she was Japanese.

Soma died from customs.  He's a durable guy.

Ritcher said, "Yo."

Alucard bitched.

Graham had nothing to do with it.  I think.


	5. Stabbed Plethora

STABBED: THE PLETHORA

Alucard stabbed Soma according to the bylaws of the rules of engagement: thusly.

Soma perished from a mortal incision to the left cranial hemisphere.

"Dear God!" Soma cried, "My unlawful carnal knowledge!"  He's a durable guy. 

Alucard fumbled over his fabric clothing possession: his cloak.

Soma lost his balanced whilst traversing over his pearl-hued narcotics distributor garment: his trench coat. 

Alucard expired due to a foreign disposition modifying chemical substance created initially as a pain-relieving agent: morphine.  Let that endure as a lesson. 

Soma presented Mina with a question as to the extent of her intellectual proximity and boundaries in dealing with daily situations and fracases: her smarts. 

The physical entity that embodies the spiritual essence of a man commonly referred to as Alucard fluttered his external epidermal optical shields: his eyelids.  He's a vampire. 

"Think: where could only Dracula go!" Alucard loosely veiled an obviously mysterious statement: crypticed. 

Soma ate a peanut. 

Graham had no interference in this action as to date. 


	6. Eclipse of the Moon

-{CastlevaniA} Circle of the Eclispe-

Alucard stabbed Soma thusly, and with a slightly British accent.

"My God, the colors!" Soma gasped.

Soma died from art, but not the starving of such.

Alucard contemplated the consequences of his crime: jaywalking.

Soma played in traffic.  He's a durable guy.

Mina complained about Yoko's clothes and the tackiness thereof.

Soma struck Alucard in the back of the kneecap with a semi.  It wasn't easy.

Alucard died from traffic violations.

Soma discussed his theory on the origin of the discovered spoiled meat to himself.

No one cared.

"You have been doomed since you lost the ability to love," Alucard crypticed.

He's a vampire.  Well, half one.  Oh, shut up, you should have known that.  Jesus.

Alucard punched Alucard and Soma in the kidney.  I know- why?

Mina wore a kimono in the 21st century.  Yoko laughed.

Graham became informative.  He's not so bad except for that whole chaos thing.

Yoko bitched.  Soma had nothing to do with it because he was lazy.


	7. Dracula's Nurse

**{][}Castlevania XXXIII: Dracula's Nurse{][}**

Alucard stabbed Soma thusly after admiring the title art.

Soma took a minute to register the pain.

Alucard watched a Giant Worm crawl by.

"Ow! You stabbed me you sonuvabit-" Soma cried. Soma died from keeping his hand on the stove too long.

Alucard sat in a chair.

Soma cracked Mina in the head with a stick on accident. He's a durable guy.

A shard pierced Alucard in the heart. "Aw, fu-" he sighed.

Mina stood there and blinked.

Graham walked by in three frames of animation.

Yoko one-uped him by walking by in five.

"What?!" Alucard crypticed. He's a vampire.

Julius screamed and called a giant cross of blue holy fire while eating a dim sum set.

Impressive.

Ritcher bitched about his dog, I mean his sister/wife.

Dracula had nothing to do with it... unless you count consenting to it as something, which it is.


	8. Cueball

Stabbed: The Symphony of Money 

Alucard stabbed Soma thusly.

"Is that a pool cue?" Soma asked.

"Uh, it's the Voric Spear of Dark Elven Morning Twilight!" Alucard explained.

"Uh yeah, corner pocket man."

"I'll show you corner pocket you piece of-"

Alucard shot Soma's heart into the side pocket.

"You said corner pocket you damn ha… oh, Jesus, not again."

Soma died from scratching.

Alucard watched _Something's Gotta Give_. He's old.

Soma chucked the nine-ball at Alucard's crotch. He's a durable guy.

Alucard died from… well, yeah, ouch. He chucked that pretty fast.

Graham laughed at the pretty colors.

Soma asked Mina for some chalk.

Unfortunately, she had eaten it already.

Yoko bent over to shoot. Every stared, even Mina which was weird.

"…Alucard," Alucard crypticed. He's a vampire.

Everyone still watched Yoko. She places her shots very slowly.

Dracula #&%ed with the juke box. He picked a crappy song.

Mina coughed up dust.

Graham had nothing to do with it: Mina shouldn't have eaten the damn chalk.


	9. Shinostabbed

Shinostabbed

The full moon peeked from behind the gray clouds…

A storm was approaching.

The ancient warrior waited for his much younger opponent to attack.

The younger man's white trench coat was bathed in a pale light, but not from a lunar source; it came from his large sword the shined with a brilliant luminosity in the dark.

The ancient warrior clutched his family's azure burning blade tightly, not with anxiety, but with a calm and aware readiness.

The young man, however, was far from placid, shaking with an apprehensive tremor, waiting to tear across the grassy night field.

He would not lose this one.

They stood silent and continued to glare at each other from opposite sides of the field while the cool wind tossed the blades of grass delicately, each dancing an elegant dance which smoothly reflected the moonbeams.

Then a bolt of lightning cracked.

The storm broke.

Rain started to collide onto the two warriors, streaking along their faces and finally falling off onto the torn earth behind their strides.

There was the slight sound of wind being cut as steel was raised to strike.

A flare of blue clashed against a ray of white.

And the duel was done.

The young warrior fell to the earth, grasping his wound that still contained the weapon that delivered it.

Alucard had stabbed Soma thusly.

"…I wanted revenge, but more so I wanted to stop what had happened to Sara from ever occurring to someone else," Alucard crypticed expressing wisdom beyond even his years. Wisdom from the lamenting of innocence in the past.

Mina, rain now blending with her tears, took a few steps forward to aid her downed friend, her love, but then stopped to respect a promise.

Soma told her she was to have nothing to do with it.

The pale moon light ruptured through the thinning clouds, capturing the scene and holding it for eternity.


End file.
